I don’t know who needs to hear this, but attachment parenting in a detached society is exhausting.
No. It’s not your baby.
There is nothing wrong with them if they want to be held all the time.
No. It’s not you.
You’re not doing it wrong.
Your feelings of exhaustion and depletion and being touched out are normal - considering the weight you’re carrying. Those feelings, and the deep ache that underlies them, are all a reminder that you were never meant to do this alone.
Babies want to be held close. And we want to hold them close. This is just as nature intended it. Exclusive and extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, babywearing - all of these are intuitive, ancestral practices that have kept our species alive throughout history. Attachment parenting is just parenting!
Never before have we parented in such isolation. There were always other hands stirring the soup pot. Aunties, sisters, brothers, uncles, grandmas, cousins and neighbours helping with the daily tasks and child rearing. Other arms carrying the weight of raising humanity. All together. “The village”.
And now, it’s just you. Alone in the kitchen, trying to stir the soup, bounce the baby, play with the toddler, keep an eye on the big kid, answer the phone, sweep up the mess, tackle the laundry and... no matter how magical your baby carrier is — it can’t take the place of a whole village.
So no, you’re not doing it wrong. You might formula feed, have your baby in day care, a baby that sleeps in their own room and that is ok too. You’re trying to do it all, stay connected and sane in a world set on tearing you apart.
Don’t give up mama. I know you’re tired and touched out. You feel like you can’t do this, but you can. You already are. You’re giving your baby exactly what they need. Maybe one day, when they’re raising their own babies, there will be a village around them, helping them hold it all together.
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