Why Self-Regulation Matters in Early Childhood (And What Educators Can Do to Support It)

If you work with young children, chances are you’ve heard the phrase self-regulation a lot. But what does it actually mean? And more importantly, why does self-regulation matter in early childhood?

Self-regulation is one of the most important developmental foundations for learning, relationships, emotional wellbeing and behaviour. It shapes a child’s ability to cope with frustration, manage big feelings, focus their attention, transition between activities and engage socially with others.

But here’s the important part: Self-regulation is not something children are simply born knowing how to do. Nor is it something that automatically appears as children get older.

Self-regulation develops gradually over time through brain maturation, relationships, repeated experiences and supportive environments that help children learn how to manage emotions, stress and behaviour safely. Self-regulation develops via thousands of experiences of attuned Co-regulation.

Understanding the development of self regulation across early childhood helps us shift away from seeing behaviour as “good” or “bad” and towards asking a more useful question:

“What support does this child need right now?”

What Is Self-Regulation in Early Childhood?

Self regulation in early childhood refers to a child’s developing ability to manage their emotions, behaviour, attention, impulses and physiological responses.

This includes things like:

• Waiting for a turn

• Recovering after disappointment

• Coping with frustration

• Managing impulses

• Following routines

• Staying engaged in play

• Transitioning between activities

• Asking for help when overwhelmed

  
  

Importantly, self-regulation is not the same as compliance.

A child who appears “well behaved” is not necessarily well regulated. Some children internalise stress quietly, while others express it loudly through movement, tears, aggression or dysregulation.

Self-regulation is often about nervous system capacity, not simply behaviour management.

Why Self Regulation Matters in Early Childhood

There is a strong body of research showing that self-regulation in early childhood is linked to long-term outcomes across emotional wellbeing, mental health, academic learning, social relationships and resilience.

Children with stronger self-regulation skills are generally better able to:

• Participate in learning experiences

• Build positive peer relationships

• Cope with stress and frustration

• Navigate transitions and change

• Communicate their needs

• Persist through challenges

  
  

But self-regulation also matters because it influences everyday life in early childhood settings.

Many of the behaviours adults find challenging (hitting, biting, yelling, throwing, running away, difficulty listening or struggling with transitions) are often signs that a child’s regulatory system is overwhelmed.

When we understand why self regulation matters in early childhood, we stop viewing dysregulation as defiance and begin responding through a developmental lens instead.

The Development of Self Regulation Across Early Childhood

The development of self regulation across early childhood is gradual and heavily influenced by brain development.

Young children are not born with fully developed self-regulation skills because the parts of the brain responsible for impulse control, emotional regulation and flexible thinking are still under construction.

Because of the way young brains develop and mature over time, children often rely on adults to help them regulate long before they are able to do it independently.

In infancy and toddlerhood, regulation is almost entirely relational.

Babies and young children borrow calm from the adults around them through soothing, co-regulation and responsive caregiving.

Over time, children begin developing internal strategies for managing emotions and behaviour, but this process takes years, not weeks.

Self-regulation develops across thousands of repeated experiences of:

• Feeling safe

• Being comforted when distressed

• Having emotions acknowledged

• Predictable routines and boundaries

• Warm, responsive relationships

• Play and movement

• Opportunities to practise coping skills

  
  

Like all developmental skills, children develop self-regulation at different rates. Temperament, sensory processing, neurodivergence, stress, sleep, environment and relationships all influence a child’s regulatory capacity.

What Dysregulation Can Look Like in Early Childhood Settings

Dysregulation does not always look like a tantrum.

In early childhood environments, it can also look like:

• Constant movement or restlessness

• Difficulty participating in group times

• Aggressive behaviour

• Withdrawing or shutting down

• Difficulty separating from caregivers

• Emotional outbursts

• Perfectionism or rigidity

• Clinginess

• Trouble with transitions

• Sensory overwhelm

• Difficulty sustaining attention

• Difficulty sitting upright, slouching, leaning on others or frequently changing positions

• “Checking” behaviours such as repeatedly looking toward an educator, needing constant reassurance or monitoring where trusted adults are nearby

• Increased silliness, loudness or impulsive behaviour during periods of stress

• Becoming easily overwhelmed by noise, touch or busy environments

• Seeming “fine” at school but collapsing emotionally once home

• A hundred other examples

Importantly, every child is different. There is no one single way to express dysregulation.

For one child, their dysregulation might look loud, explosive and obvious. For another, it might look quiet, compliant and easily missed.

When we understand behaviour through this lens, we become less focused on simply stopping the behaviour and more focused on truly getting to know the child in front of us. Over time, we begin to recognise what overwhelm, uncertainty, sensory overload, anxiety or dysregulation actually looks like for this particular child, allowing us to respond with greater understanding, connection and support.

Children are never “choosing” difficult behaviour so much as communicating stress through behaviour. This shift in perspective changes how we respond.

What Educators Can Do to Support Self Regulation in Early Childhood

Supporting self regulation in early childhood does not mean expecting children to calm themselves down independently. Instead, it means creating environments and relationships that help children feel safe enough to regulate.

1. Focus on Co-Regulation First

Children learn regulation through regulated adults.

Our tone of voice, facial expression, pacing, body language and proximity all influence a child’s nervous system. Before children can use strategies independently, they often need an adult to help them feel safe and supported first.

Sometimes this looks like:

• Sitting nearby quietly

• Using fewer words

• Slowing down transitions

• Offering comfort without rushing

• Remaining calm during big emotions

  
  

Co-regulation is not “giving in.” It is about first helping a child return to a balanced state where learning and problem solving become possible again.

2. Support Regulation Through Play and Movement

Young children, especially toddlers, regulate through their bodies.

Movement, sensory play, outdoor play and opportunities for physical exploration all support regulation and nervous system development.

Heavy work, climbing, running, jumping, swinging, pushing, carrying and messy play can all help children organise their sensory systems and release stress.

Sometimes what looks like “not listening” is actually who has been sitting inside too long, focused on an adult-directed task who is needing more movement or sensory input.

3. Build Predictability and Emotional Safety

Predictable environments reduce stress on children’s nervous systems.

Visual schedules, consistent routines, preparation for transitions and emotionally responsive interactions all help children feel safer and more regulated.

Children regulate best when they know:

• What to expect

• Who is supporting them

• That their emotions are safe

• That boundaries are consistent and calm

  
  

Warm relationships and clear limits work together. Children need both "wide fields" and "solid fences".

4. Rethink Behaviour Through a Developmental Lens

When behaviour becomes challenging, it can help to ask:

• Is this a skill the child does not yet have?

• Is the child overwhelmed?

• Is there a sensory need underneath this?

• Is this expectation developmentally realistic?

• Does the child need connection before correction?

This approach does not remove boundaries or expectations. Instead, it helps us respond in ways that actually build skills over time.

Final Thoughts on Why Self Regulation Matters in Early Childhood

Self-regulation is not about creating perfectly behaved children.

It is about helping children gradually develop the capacity to cope with emotions, stress, relationships and the demands of everyday life.

And that development happens in the context of safe, responsive relationships.

When educators understand why self regulation matters in early childhood, behaviour stops being something to simply manage and becomes something to understand.

Because beneath every dysregulated moment is usually a child asking:

“Can you help me feel safe enough to cope with this?”

References

1. Blair, C., & Raver, C. C. (2015). School readiness and self-regulation: A developmental psychobiological approach. Annual Review of Psychology, 66, 711–731.

2. Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (2011). Building the brain’s “air traffic control” system: How early experiences shape the development of executive function.

3. Shonkoff, J. P., & Phillips, D. A. (2000). From neurons to neighborhoods: The science of early childhood development. National Academy Press.

4. Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The whole-brain child. Bantam Books.

5. Perry, B. D., & Winfrey, O. (2021). What happened to you? Conversations on trauma, resilience, and healing. Flatiron Books.